There comes a point when all your calls and texts go unanswered that you must stop contacting. Don’t call me. I’ll call you. Right now I need my space and my alone time from just about everyone. You don’t have to understand it. Just accept it. Thanks
Theres a lot that goes on in my mind. A lil bit of this.....a lot of that. Underneath all the nonense......my thoughts are quite profound. I'm a Beautiful Mess
October 8, 2012
October 7, 2012
My “him”
Out of all of my friends I am the shallowest when it comes to men….Or maybe everything. I’m the one that has the seemingly unattainable “type”. I love a tall (above 6 ft.) men, athletic, chiseled body, and of course a beautiful face to match. And if you don’t fit majority of that description I will NOT give you the time of day! I’ve encountered a few men of this kind; some I liked…most I didn’t. One particular one everyone swore we were meant to be together. Another one nobody could stand him but me. But in between all of the casual dating and somewhat serious “relationship-ish” situations there was one. This one guy,almost everything imaginable that could go completely wrong did. From hidden girlfriends, to crazy exes, to boyfriends that ever existed, to long….LONG distance, loss of contact, and heated arguments. Somehow we would always find our way back.
I remember the exact moment I saw him. I was in my best friend…my sister’s room getting ready for a party and he walked passed. I asked who he was and she immediately told me “No!” She was clam jamming but you can’t block fate. The following year we bumped into each other and that was the start. My friends trusted him so much that they allowed him to take my extremely intoxicated ass to his room to go to sleep. And he was a complete gentleman. Not only holding my hair out of my face as I threw up in his toilet but rubbing my back until I fell asleep AND sleeping on the floor. THIS was my first interaction with him. Four years later we are here.
Everyone that is close to me knows how obsessed I am with weddings. I have my dressed picked out, my $22,000 ring, the cake, everything. And every guy that I’ve liked I said “He could be my husband!”
Now I’m at a but of a rough patch with him and it has given me the opportunity to think and a time of clarity. For once, I see the wedding, I see the kids and the kind of father he will be to our kids (and our dogs). Another new thing is that the extravagant wedding, the expensive ring do not matter to me. I don’t care if we got married at the courthouse with vows written on toilet tissue, sterling silver rings, and a crackhead from the street as our witness. For once I just want him and nothing else at all. Sure I could find another athlete, or guy with a beautiful face, perfect hair, and gorgeous body but that’s not what I want.
I want the guy that would make me sneak into camp or have me sneak him out. The guy that cuts his toenails in my bed and throws them on me. The guy that licks the Old Bay off my crab legs when he thinks I’m not looking. The guy that will wear togas with me made out of sheets and dance around my room. The guy that will make me watch Sports Center even though I have no clue what is going on. The guy that snatch pillows from underneath my head while we’re sleep. The guy that will rub my scalp, let me walk on his back to crack it, and wake me up early in the morning for no other reason than to not-waste-the-day-that-we-had-nothing-planned-for-anyway. The one guy thatI’ve done so much for yet he never asked me for anything. I want my “him”! He is the one! Even though the odds are completely against us I know This Is It…
August 11, 2012
Ok so I was having a conversation with someone and they suggested I start blogging again. So…..I’m gonna start agaiinn
February 21, 2012
My thoughts on “abomination”
Today I had a discussion with some of my colleagues on the topic of spirituality, homosexuality, and religion. One thing that people must separate is religion from spirituality. Religion is a man made concept that ultimately comes down to traditions, practices, rituals etc. Spirituality is more of an understanding of ones inner being. It’s the connection between a non-materialistic reality and one self. Just because you are apart of a particular religion (i.e. Christianity, Judaism, Islam etc.) does not make you a spiritual person at all.
I know PLENTY of people that “religiously” attend church every Sunday, Bible Study every Wednesday, chior rehearsal every Tuesday, can recite the Bible cover to cover and have NO spiritual path at all. They’re just going through the motions because that’s what they have been doing since they were a child and don’t even know why. Then you have the most hypocritical and judgmental people EVER that’s not doing right following that same ritualistic schedule and ultimately not living right by the Lord anyway!
A few notable verses on the topic:
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Matthew 7:4 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
James 4:12 There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?
Homosexuality is an abomination according the the Bible. HOWEVER, unless you are without sin and you have YOURSELF together you cannot judge! You are not deemed the right to JUDGE, SAVE, DESTROY, AND TO DETERMINE WHO IS GOING TO HEAVEN OR HELL! REMEMBER “there is ONE lawgiver”!!!!
NOW TO BRING IT ALL HOME:
I’m Christian (Baptist), HIGHLY Spiritual, I am heterosexual. I enjoy the love, the touch, the sexiness of a man by nature. My religion also states that any other way is wrong. HOWEVER, it also says it is WRONG to judge and that it is not my job. I have all kinds of friends that do things that I would not do and I love them the same. However you choose to live your life that’s your business. When judgement day comes for us (and it will come for all of us) we will have to face ONE “lawgiver” and deal with our choices on an individual level. So if it is not killing you or throwing you off in your walk with Christ or whomever you worship don’t worry about it. Everyone has their own things to deal with. Handle yours
February 20, 2012
"The key to being perfect is being honest"
— Ice-T (on couples)
February 2, 2012
"Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery"
— Malcolm X
February 1, 2012
"It’s just like when you’ve got some coffee that’s too black, which means its too strong. What do you do? You integrate it with cream. You make it weak. But if you pour too much cream in it, you won’t even know you ever had coffee. It used to be hot, it becomes cool. It used to be strong, it becomes weak. It used to wake you up, now it puts you to sleep"
— Malcolm X
January 30, 2012
"Your intuition—your gut—should never be ignored. At the same time, it should never be THE deciding factor."
January 15, 2012
"Sometimes we wait for God to make the next move when God is saying “It’s your time to act"
January 11, 2012
"Usually to seek some type of revenge you have to commit a sin of your own"
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